It sometimes seems that everyday as I sit and prepare for the day, I say “Man. Not again today.” The same things happening the same routines. Up at 4pm drive an hour to work, work all day then drive back only to be brought home to a broken family. This of course is what I see. My husband on the other hand. Sees life. He sees happiness. Not always complete but he is a great wonder. He can make a horrible situation turn into flowers and roses.
Today. I say this regularly by the way. Today is the day that “I” begin my new life. Conquer the fears of my son not being loved, not being accepted, not being able to do the things ordinary people do. I accept this.
I can remember Mother’s Day 2007 like it was the back of my hand. This is the day the doctors asked, “Do you know who and when we will be pulling the plugs?” This wasn’t about pulling a tube to stop feeding. This was about stopping the life of my 3 year old son. I couldn’t do it. I just couldnt. In my mind God gave me him and God would have to take him away. I prayed. I prayed like no other. Telling him that if he decided to give him back to me, I would accept the challenge that he gave me. No matter what or how my son and the situation turned out. And so. Weeks later..my son blinked.
That’s all I had to begin with. A simple flicker of the eye lashes. Everything else in his body was lifeless. Days went by and the docs said he would be a vegetable the rest of his life. I just couldn’t bare it. So. I said the most powerful word ANYBODY old ever say. NO!
I refused to give in. I refused to give up. I pushed him and myself to limits that I never thought we could do. And I’m proud of that. So today, I will repay him. I will not give up. I will begin this day as the first day of MY new beginning.